Christmas 2011

I can't believe Christmas came and went so quickly.


This year was my first Christmas as a married woman, and also my first time cooking a full Christmas dinner. Since I couldn't make it down to see my family for Christmas because stupid work got in the way for both me and Gary, I really wanted to have a 'Misfit Christmas Dinner', so to speak. I wanted to offer up a meal for anyone in my now larger family who would otherwise have spent the holiday alone.


But woah boy, was it an undertaking.




The Menu:


Roasted Turkey Breast with Herb Butter
Vegetable Stuffing
Golden Roasted Potatoes
Brussels Sprouts with Bacon and Horseradish Cream
Collard Greens (Gary cooked these, so I can't take credit)



I brined the turkey breast the night before, and I cannot reccomend it enough. It makes the meat so juicy. Everyone in attendance raved that mine was the best turkey they'd ever had. Not to toot my own horn... but seriously, try brining. It does amazing things to meat and imparts it with so much flavor.


I used this recipe, stolen from Curtis Stone and modified a bit:
- 3 cups water
- 1/2 cup salt
- 1/2 cup sugar
- 1 teaspoon whole black peppercorns
- 2 cloves crushed garlic
- zest of 2 lemons + a squeeze of lemon juice
- a few sprigs of fresh thyme
- a handful of fresh rosemary leaves


Stir to combine the ingredients and submerge your turkey in the mixture. Put it in the fridge, covered, overnight (I brined mine for 12 hours, but you don't have to go that long if you don't have the time. But the longer you leave it, the tastier it becomes!)


Gary gave me a gorgeous pair of opal earrings and a hat for Christmas. We got his dad a rocking chair, which he loved, and we gave his brother a fish finder thing that is supposed to tell you where the fish are if you're catching fish. I got Gary a couple of books he was wanting.


After that, I spent the majority of my time in the kitchen, playing wifey, cooking up a delicious meal. It made me feel good to welcome people to our place and share an important meal. I got a bit stressed near the end of cooking, when I almost burned the stuffing and the gravy was think, but overall it was a success.


We sent the leftovers home with Gary's dad. After everyone left, we literally rocked around the Christmas tree. The song came on the radio and Gary pushed the coffee table to one side, moved the tree into the middle of the living room and extended his hand. We slid around in our socks and shared a few slow dances.


Gary told me that his favorite part about that day was me cooking for everyone and sharing a meal. He said it really sank in and made it feel like he and I were a family for the first time. I felt the same way.


The only thing that made me kind of sad about the day was that he and I didn't take any pictures together for our first holiday as husband and wife. The tree is still up though - maybe we could take a few shots and just tell people that we took them on the day. It's what we did for our wedding after all!


Happy Holidays everyone!

Sistas Are Doing It For Themselves

While I was still in the trenches of wedding planning (those crazy, chasm-like trenches), I read the following quote while surfing on the AOL news page and my head just about exploded:

"It's a nice concept, [but] I would rather people just cut the guest list... don't waste your time and money trying to arrange the flowers when you can find someone to do it at a fairly decent cost. When I see brides the morning of their wedding sitting around trying to finish stringing the paper carnations, i'm like, 'what are you doing?' It's a penny wise, pound foolish."


- Marcy Blum, on why the do-it-yourself wedding trend has run its course

What time is it?! That's right! LIST TIME!!!! 


1) I don't have a clue who this Marcy Blum character is, but I sincerely hope she's referring to rich-ass people/celebrities in this quote. Not everyone has money flying out of their ass. A lot of people can't afford to pay someone else to string their paper carnations - maybe some brides WANT to string their own paper carnations because they like being creative. What kind of advice is this? Go into debt so you don't have to lift a pretty little bridal finger!


2) "Fairly decent" costs largely don't exist in the Wedding Industrial Complex. Hence the freaking DIY. 


Quote for fresh flowers from a florist that look and smell great that will die in a week - $600


Fake flowers that my mum found at the local Pottery Barn that were in my wedding colors and still look awesome and I can still decorate the house with - $60


Knowing that just because you're getting married you haven't lost all semblance of sense and see that there is $550 in savings between these two options, realizing that not having real flowers isn't the 'make-it or break-it' factor, knowing that bridal magazines will push this shit and make you think you want/need it when you really don't, and nobody will care, much less remember, the flowers at your wedding - MUTHAFU*KIN' PRICELESS


MasterCard should make that commercial.


3) I'm just gonna call attention to the part where Ms. Blum says, "don't waste your time and money... fairly decent cost." Yes, DIYing wedding crafts does take time, but i'm sorry - last I checked, it was actually free to arrange your own flowers, versus not free if you have to pay someone else to do it. Unless you work in your own one-woman sweat shop, cranking out bridal jewelry in a frenzy. In that case, sistas are doing it for themselves! CONTRADICTION. GLARING.


4) While Ms. Blum may think that DIY weddings are on the outs, I know of a whole slew of wedding blogs that suggest otherwise. But Ms. Blum probably wouldn't read any of these blogs because, well, apparently she thinks it's foolish for anyone to want to save some money and do what they can themselves, rather than springing for that gigantic backlit ice swan sculpture because OMG THE SPARKLE! DO YOU SEE HOW IT SPARKLES?!?! 


The wedding industry is on crack right now. With shows like Say Yes To The Dress and Four Weddings and movies like Bride Wars, the industry is trying to make it seem like you have to have certain things, or your wedding is just plain tacky. They're trying to depersonalize weddings and make them into an adult sweet sixteen party, where you have to have the 'perfect' dress and the 'perfect' flowers, and the groom gets shoved aside as just an accessory because it's 'the bride's day'. I grit my teeth every time I hear that phrase. Supposedly, the average budget for a wedding today is 20, 000 dollars. I don't know where they pulled this statistic from, but if that's true, then everyone on the entire face of the earth makes waaaay more money than I do.


What is wrong with DIY weddings? Nothing in my opinion. You get to put a piece of yourself into each task, making each thing you make and do carry more meaning and memories. Instead of some over-the-top, princess-for-a-day, look-at-me-look-at-me spectacle, it becomes something personal, which is what it should be. So many people helped make my wedding what it was, which was fantastic, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Everything went amazingly, better than we could have imagined. There was a real sense of teamwork and community, and knowing that friends and family had a hand in helping make the bouquets and the favors and the centerpieces made the day so special, so filled with love. Every time I looked at something someone made or helped with I felt an overwhelming sense of 'Wow. These people really love me.' Of course I knew this all along, but it really drove the point home. The people who matter want to see you happy. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Can money buy you that?


For anyone who is planning a wedding or will be in the future, and doesn't have the kind of money to buy a monogrammed light show for their reception, here is a list of blogs that have kept me sane and provided me with solid, practical, user-friendly advice:


apracticalwedding.com
thebrokeassbride.com
indiebride.com
offbeatbride.com


These are just a sampling of the great ones out there. I know they certainly helped me gain clarity and convinced me to PUT THE WEDDING MAGAZINE DOWN. (Do it, unless you have 20K to spare for a wedding, they'll just make you feel inadequate and cheap. And you don't need any of the stuff they're insisting you do. Don't get me wrong, the weddings featured in the magazines are beautiful, but i'd be damned if i'm gonna drop that much money on one day, no matter how important.) Go forth and explore your options! You have them!


In the end, a marriage is about two people in love wanting to share their lives together, being supported and surrounded by the people who helped them get there, not the money you spend.


Marcy can suck it!

Sick Ring

My poor wedding band is sick.


I was adjusting my rings a couple of days ago when I noticed a GAPING HOLE in my wedding band.


I said "What the hell?!" a couple of times before chasing Gary down, putting my hand in front of his eyes and saying "Do you see this?! What the hell?!"


Gary then pointed out that it was bad that I already had diamonds falling out of my wedding band, considering i've only been wearing it for a month.


WHAT THE HELL?!


I had thought one of the diamonds in my band had looked wonky when we bought it, but my eyes are also wonky, so I just chalked it up to near sightedness.


Gary took my ring in yesterday to get it fixed, and after examining it they found out that the diamond next to the gaping hole was also loose. Did they give me the most banged up ring they could find or something? I know I didn't knock them loose; if i've managed to make it for over a year with my raised solitaire setting engagement ring still intact without lobbing it off somehow in my clumsy splendor, then I can't be responsible for some tiny-ass inset diamonds falling out of my wedding band.


Luckily we have the lifetime warranty so fixing it is free.


The sad thing is that now i'm not sure when i'll get it back. The jewelry people estimated a week or two, but said it may be after Christmas before I can pick it up. My engagement ring is without its new buddy, and even after a month of wearing my wedding band, my hand feels weird with it gone. I don't like taking it off, let alone giving it over to someone for an open-ended length of time.
Gary feels the same in a sense. A cousin asked to see his ring while we were all at lunch over the weekend and he gave it to him. He slipped the ring on his finger before Gary realized, and when he looked up and noticed his cousin was wearing it, he said it bothered him and he asked for it back. I get that. I feel that way too. Our rings were bought specifically to put on each other's fingers to symbolize our commitment to one another as husband and wife. When someone else tries one of them on it feels like... a desecration. That is definitely too strong a word, but I don't know how else to describe it.


By the way, what is it with people trying on other people's rings/glasses, etc? I can get the glasses thing somewhat, it can be amusing to see the difference in eyesight among the visually impaired, but rings? I don't get 'ring trying'. I have tiny fingers. Smaller than your average. And people know this, so i'm always apprehensive when people want to 'see' my rings (that's another thing that took a while to pick up in the U.S.; people would ask, 'hey, can I see that pen?', at which point i'd hold it out to them to look at. I quickly learned that 'let me see' meant 'let me borrow', although why not ask the question you want answered in the first place?) because I know it won't fit the majority of people and people always seem to want to see how far they can jam your ring on their finger, seemingly in an attempt to get it good and stuck so they can steal your bling.


I just really want my ring back for Christmas. It'll be my first Christmas as a wife, spending it with my new husband, and I want it sitting back on my finger where it belongs.

The 'Other' Dark Meat

One of the things that really ticks me off, yet somehow still manages to be a source of amusement, is the frequency with which I am forced to check the 'OTHER' box under the 'race/ethnicity' category on a majority of forms.


My first encounter with the 'OTHER' box was in middle school once standardized testing started. The FCATs, the SATs, they all instructed to please pick one. Being comprised of more than one race - two in fact, in equal amounts - the 'pick one' or 'OTHER' choice irks me.


I have seen Eskimo as a choice on a standardized test before. If that's a choice in Florida, of all places, the people who make these tests could stand to add a 'biracial/multiracial bubble on their tests!


(On a related note, multiple people i've encountered aren't aware of the demography of the UK. On a few occasions, people have asked me 'What are you?' - like i'm a freakin' space alien with five arms - and upon hearing that i'm half black and half white ask 'Wait... there are black people in England?!?!' I've also heard 'Oh, you're from England? So you don't shave your pits, right?'
Are. You. Serious?
However, most of the people who asked me these questions were middle schoolers, so hopefully they know better now. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. However, it still makes me giggle when I tell people my dad's from Guyana and they pretend to know where it is.)


Isn't the whole point of inquiring of race on tests to collect data and statistics? You can't possibly gather accurate data if biracial and multiracial people are forced to either pick only one portion of their racial make up or lump themselves in with all the other 'others'.


In a world that is becoming more accepting of interracial marriage and multiracial families, you'd think the option to 'choose all that apply' would appear on tests more than it does. I hate having to pick one race over the other. I am both black and white, and neither one is more integral than the other in how I identify my race.
But of course, I have to check the 'African American' box (I hate the term African American - not all black people are from Africa, or American), because my skin is darker and i'd just look like I was in serious denial if I checked the 'White/Caucasian' box. Where did the word 'Caucasian' even come from? Did white people feel left out when black people got their politically correct title, and they wanted their own?


My most recent run-in with the 'OTHER' box was when Gary and I went to get our marriage certificate in October. As we were filling in the paperwork, I was happy to see that under the race/ethnicity category, there was an empty box to write in. I said to Gary 'Hey, this is awesome, i'll actually get to have 'biracial' appear on our marriage license and certificate!'
So we finish filling in the forms, and when we are seated with the clerk she starts entering our information into the computer. She's typing for a while and then looks up, looks at me, and goes 'OK, which do you want to be, black, white, or other?'


Firstly, I hope those weren't the only three options for race, and they don't just lump everyone who is neither black nor white into one ambiguous category.
Secondly, if those weren't the only three race options, that means that the clerk actually guessed my racial make up correctly, which only a handful of people have been able to do my entire life. I am guessed to be Hispanic the most, followed by Asian/black, and sometimes even Middle Eastern. It would have sucked for the clerk if she was completely off base!
Lady deserves a cookie or a gold star or something.


The 'OTHER' wins again, for now.

Face Time

It's 8:30 AM, and it's already one of those days when I inexplicably miss Gary.


I last saw him about an hour and a half ago, and i'm already daydreaming about him.


That spot directly behind his ear that I love to kiss.


Cuddling on the couch with his arms around me and my legs draped over his lap.


Saturday mornings, when neither of us has anywhere to be, laying in bed, laughing and smiling with one another.


I just got to work a half hour ago and already I wish the day was over so I could go home and see him again.


The first thing to note would be that  i'm not some crazy clingy obsessive person or anything. I miss him right now because over the last few days we haven't had one of our long, engrossing conversations or had that much one-on-one time together.


Saturday night, we went to my work Christmas party, at which we spent more time mingling and watching my co-workers open their secret santa gifts than talking to one another. Sunday through today, we've been hanging out in the same room in the evenings but kind of doing our own thing.
He has this chair with wheels that he loves to sit in, so he's usually a few feet away from me, reading a book, while i'm in my usual position on the couch, using my laptop. We don't sit in complete silence of course, but the connection isn't the same. I miss the quality conversation and the physical closeness.


I think i'll call him in a little while and see if he wants to go shopping for a Christmas tree tonight. We've been putting it off but I think it will be the perfect activity for us to spend some quality time together. Up until now, we've been using a fake tree, so it'll be exciting to buy our first real tree!

Then maybe later I can convince him to get his ass outta that chair, surrender it over to Polly for a while, and come snuggle next to me by the fire to admire the tree.

Honeymoon's Over

I've made a lot of transitions over the past year. I've gone from girlfriend to fiancee, fiancee to wife, but the hardest transition so far has been transitioning out of vacation mode and back to reality after my wedding.

The whole month of November has seemed like an ongoing party - we had our bachelor/bachelorette parties to go to, a bridal shower, I took the whole week of my wedding off to prepare (even though I was working to finish decorations and boutonniere's, I still felt like I was on vacation - just a productive vacation), and then we were off on our honeymoon after a week of being back at work, which probably didn't count because I was daydreaming about exotic locales the whole time.

It was really hard to drag ourselves out of bed this past week, partly due to getting back to the shock of reality, partly due to the fact that we kept staying up late to prolong the party (which is easy with all the extra alcohol we have around the house left over from the reception). It's like we're on the 'Yay, I'm Married!' Party Bus, but everyone else got off a few stops ago and we're trying to get a conga line going to keep this thing rolling!

I know that people can't be excited about it forever, and the craziness will die down for us after a few weeks, but right now saying the word 'husband' makes me smile. So i'm just going to enjoy it and soak up this lazy Sunday before I have to drag myself out of bed tomorrow morning and go to work daydreaming of exotic locales.